Our Lives are Stories

It was a good reminder, sitting down and having a cigar with Bill, to hear that our lives are stories. My life is a story, as is his. We sometimes focus so much on the inane everyday things that we forget to step back and take a look at thte bigger picture. For example, I work too much. I spend more time working than most people I know. Work consumes me and I have time nor energy for little else. And that frustrates me sometimes. But really that's just a small part of my story. Unless I intend to work too much for the next thirty forty years. I still have the choice.

In essence, what I'm living now is just a small part of the story. We have phases and that's normal. Phases of infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood. Up until our mid twenties there were consistent stages to look forward to. Now as we enter adulthood sometimes it feels like everything comes to a halt and I don't know what is next. Now that everything is wide open and anything goes--there is not a set path ahead of me, I don't know what to do. I don't know what the next stage is. Many would say fall in love, get married, have kids, own property, become responsible. But truly, none of these things are required of you.

Growing up, being part of a family, going to school, those were all things out of my control. When my family immigrated, I had no say in the matter. You accepted things as they were because you were a child and your parents made decisions on your behalf, based on what they think is best. Puberty/adolescence, that was also unavoidable. That's just biology at work. Everything up until college. But beyond school and into the working world, as soon as a perosn becomes fully self sufficient, we more or less become masters of our fates, in a manner of speaking. (I don't really believe that we have full control over our fate.)

So now what? It's an often frustrating question. I think part of the frustration is that I believe in fate and destiny and that makes me powerless to act at times. But our life is a story. It's weaving itself out. Not that it's good to feel stuck or anything, but it's good to know that although at the moment life feels somewhat motionless and stagnant, this is only part of a bigger story. And it's okay. For a little while.

But I do feel like there is too much immaturity around me. Too much whining and people looking for temporary pleasure. People who just don't get it. And it gets annoying to be around that all the time. I don't feel that my time is wasted. I'm honing my skills as an office drone. I'm working at being better at my job, at making decisions and getting things done. At negotiating and facilitating communication. I am energized by my work. I actually am. I am interested in the design challenges and the technical challenges. I am less phazed by the annoying client who tries to badger me to please them. I am learning to draw the line and be firm when necessary and becoming more tactful. These are all important things. My time is not wasted. Even if a majority of it is spent at the office. I know that my work is more interesting than most. And that I count a blessing.

This too, is part of the story. My work contributes to who I am. And whether we like to admit it or not, this is true of every person. We spend too many hours of our lives working--it is part of our story. And of that we need not feel embarrassed.